Need a gut check here. I’m the leaseholder on a two-bed in Astoria. I’ve been in the apartment four years and have had a few roommates, always with a roommate agreement drawn up before they moved in. Current roommate moved in about six weeks ago. She pays on time, clean, no drama.

Last night she asks if her boyfriend can “crash for a few weeks” because his place is ending and he wants to save money before a new job starts. Then she says maybe add him to the buzzer and mailbox so packages don’t get bounced. I asked if he’d be paying rent. She said maybe a little for utilities.

I don’t want to be a jerk, but I’ve seen this exact situation turn into a tenant-at-will mess. My lease has the standard clause about guests not staying more than 30 days in any 12-month period without written consent, and I do not want him getting mail there. I told her I’d think about it. She’s already been bringing him over 3–4 nights a week, and I noticed a toothbrush in the bathroom but didn’t want to make it weird.

For the leaseholders and long-term roommates here: how much do you actually enforce the guest clause? If you’ve let a roommate’s partner stay short term, did you do anything in writing? I’m leaning toward saying no to the buzzer/mail and giving a hard two-week limit, but I also have to live with her. Am I being overly rigid, or is this the line?

Ooh I’m the one who just moved into my first place in Bushwick and my roommate’s boyfriend is over like five nights a week. I didn’t know about the 30 day clause until now. Does that mean I could get in trouble too even though I’m on the lease? We just split the wifi and he showers there a lot. Should I ask to see our lease? This thread is making me nervous lol.

Real talk: do not add him to the buzzer. Once he gets mail and guest access, you’re training him to be a tenant. The landlord only cares if there’s noise or if rent is late, but if things go south, you’re the one who gets the cure-or-quit. I’ve been through this in Murray Hill. Let the boyfriend find a place. A “few weeks” turns into the whole winter.

And definitely don’t take a penny from him directly. If the roommate wants to cover more utilities, she can pay the difference herself.

Check if your lease has the standard guest occupancy language. If not, building rules still cover it.

Wait, I just moved to NYC and thought guests were basically allowed as long as they don’t have their own key? My current sublet is kind of informal so I don’t even have a lease. Is a toothbrush actually a sign? If he’s just there a lot but doesn’t sleep over every night, does it count? Sorry if this is a silly question.

Quick update. I pulled the actual rider from my lease, and it says no guest, invitee, or other person not named as a tenant may occupy the premises for more than thirty days within any twelve-month period without the prior written consent of the landlord. I also dug up my old roommate agreement template and sent a note to the current roommate saying I can’t add him to the buzzer or mailbox while he’s not on the lease and doesn’t have landlord approval. I said I’m fine with him being a guest a few nights a week, but not with him using the apartment as his mailing address or living there for a multi-week stretch.

She came back saying I was making it bigger than it is and he would “just be a guest.” I replied that if he’s just a guest, then a two-week limit and no mail are easy to agree to. That part got left on read. In case it helps anyone else: I’d rather have one awkward text exchange now than an eviction or a holdover roommate fifteen months from now.

Yep, “just a guest” usually means “I already told him he can move in.” The left-on-read is the tell. If she’s still paying, fine, but document any text where she asks for stuff like this. Also do not let him receive a package. Mail can be a big one in housing court if he ever claims tenancy. Your house, your lease, your neck on the line.

Thanks for the update. Now I’m rethinking my situation because my roommate kept saying it’s “not a big deal” too. Is it better for me to text her now or wait until I have a copy of our lease? I don’t want to start a fight, but I also didn’t sign up to live with a couple. Did you end up telling the landlord or just the roommate? Also, how do you even find a roommate agreement template?

I googled the guest clause after reading this and yeah, our situation is probably not great because he’s been sleeping over a lot and might have a package delivered. I didn’t realize mail was so significant. Can someone explain why having mail sent there is such a big deal? Is it because it proves he lives there? If he’s just receiving a package once, does that count?

To answer the mail question: it’s not a magic switch, but official mail sent to a person at that address is often used as evidence of residency, especially if combined with them having a key, paying for anything, keeping belongings there, or being named on a bedbug notice. One package is not likely to create tenancy by itself, but a pattern of bank statements and credit card bills is exactly what a good lawyer would use.

I haven’t gone to my landlord about this because I don’t want to create a complaint against my own lease. I kept it between me and the roommate. If she pushes it further, I’ll ask the management office for a written guest permission form, which they probably won’t give.

LittleTownLia, definitely get a copy of your lease first. You can usually ask for the renewal rider as well. Then send a gentle text: “Hey, I want to make sure we’re following our lease so we don’t put either of us at risk.” It’s easier before there’s a pattern.